Where’s the guy?

September 18, 2013 at 8:22 am 6 comments

I had the pleasure of teaching a workshop for the Romance Writers of Australia last month (such a wonderful experience) and at one point a participant asked “when does the guy come in?”  The more I thought about it, I realized, that is a really significant question.  The Virgin’s journey is about knowing yourself and being yourself.  That’s a lot of self.  There doesn’t actually have to be a man.  Gasp!  But it is the love based world and more often than not there is someone to inspire the Virgin or to see her true self and create space for her in the kingdom out of love.  The Hero plays a supporting role.  There is an idea to turn your world upside down.images-19

You could say that the Virgin plays the same role in the Hero story.  People have actually complained about this for decades.  The hero story, which dominates North American story telling, is all about the hero saving the day and the Virgin’s only role is to stand around being helpless.  Often we boost the female role in the hero story by developing her plight or making her a heroine.   Maybe the point is that a Hero story is about knowing you can push back fear and save the day, building your confidence as an individual in the world.  The VIrgin story is about looking inside yourself and awakening to your unique gift and bringing it to the world.  They are both individuating and are blessed with the support of their counterpart.

It is also possible to make the love interest a major driving force in the Virgin story.  Sometimes the male character is also on a Virgin’s journey, which can be an interesting way to incorporate a love interest.  Just having the guy in the story generates the world of love and makes it enjoyable.

Knowing yourself and brining your authentic self to life is a fundamental part of any relationship.  Not doing this actually creates a compelling obstacle to love.  A person has to have a connection to their authentic self before she can be recognized by her soulmate.  Often we are so busy pleasing others, or trying to be the perfect version of what is desirable that we are disconnected from our unique way of being in the world.  It makes it impossible to really connect with another person.

In other situations a person may have a connection to who they are but they don’t feel the boundary between themself and other people.  This leads them to isolate themsleves in order to preserve themselves.  Ironically when you own your boundaries you can afford to let people in more.  She must love herself before she can love another.

And finally the Virgin has to actually get out of the house and into life before she has any chance of meeting love.  Sometimes we are so disconnected from our intrinsic right to be happy and do things for ourself we spend all our energy in a supporting background role, servicing others.  5600872410_b7757cae53_m

So even though a VIrgin story is not about finding a life mate, it is about engaging in the love based world and taking up your power to be all that you can be.  This journey is often supported by the love of another.


Entry filed under: Archetype theory, Uncategorized. Tags: , , , .

the secret world You don’t know you’re beautiful!

6 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Diana Castle  |  September 18, 2013 at 12:55 pm

    This is very helpful. I write romances and I enjoy using the Virgin’s Journey when plotting my stories. Thanks!

  • 2. Michelle Diener  |  September 18, 2013 at 10:31 pm

    I love this take on the Virgin / Hero’s roles in each other’s stories. Thanks, Kim!

  • 3. Lorne Agnew  |  September 20, 2013 at 7:52 am

    Kim: I agree-very helpful elaboration of the Virgin archetype. It’s always good to be reminded that our relationship with ourselves shapes the quality, depth and potential of our relationship with others.
    PS Glad to hear you’re spreading your gospel down under!

  • 4. Melanie Milburne  |  October 1, 2013 at 6:56 pm

    Hi Kim,
    I can’t tell you how wonderful I found your workshop in Fremantle in Australia. Well, I can and did tell you in person but here I am doing it again! I wish I’d come across your work before. It makes such perfect sense and I am really enjoying using your cards to map out my current heroine’s journey/ awakening.
    Wishing you all the best and come back to Australia soon!

  • 5. Wendy Leslie  |  January 12, 2014 at 6:32 pm

    I too, Kim give kudos and thanks to you, every time I open up my WIP – for your wonderful workshop in Fremantle. Suddenly, I’m no longer trying to make my heroine into a swashbuckling, relentless pursuer of some grand ideal, regardless and to the death. She’s now comfortable, as is my Prince character, improving their lot in situations that can and do change and in effect, help everyone.
    It’s great and is what I was trying to do in the first place. Now I have a better idea on how and why.
    Thank you again,

    • 6. Kim Hudson  |  January 25, 2014 at 10:39 pm

      So great to hear from you. The memories of our great time in Fremantle live on!



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The Virgin’s Promise

Writing Feminine Stories of Creative, spiritual and Sexual Awakening

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