Archive for September, 2013

You don’t know you’re beautiful!

There is a strong theme emerging in songs of a guy recognizing the beauty in a girl and she is completely unaware of how amazing she is.  One DIrection’s That’s What Makes You Beautiful was the first one I noticed.  Emblem3 has Chloe and Ne-Yo Let Me Love You.  At first it seemed sweet but now I think it is kind of alarming.  

The Virgin’s journey is about awakening to your promise, your potential.  When you connect to your soul, you shine and people can recognize your beauty.  These songs seem to shift the power to the observer, giving the singer the ability to recognize the beauty in the girl even though she is too naive to recognize it in herself.  The empowering part is for her to recognize the authentic nature in herself. which creates her beauty  It is not nearly as romantic to be the one to define her as beautiful as he thinks it is.  It would be way better if he recognized her beauty as rooted in her being herself.

Beauty is an interesting concept.  Robert Shank wrote a great book called the Soul of Beauty which recognizes beauty as the ability of a person to connect to their soul and give it a tangible form.  I love this concept.  One DIrection’s song says you have no idea how beautiful you are “That’s what makes you beautiful!”  It is a Little Red Ridinghood song requiring the object of his affection to stay detached from her own sense of knowing.Emblem3 says in Chloe,  “you’ve got me and that’s all that matters”.  Is this an effort to secure his future. If she chooses not to stay in the relationship (or he does) who is she then?  Before she gets into a relationship she needs to have a strong connection to what makes her intrinsically valuable.  Otherwise he defines her and she loses her freedom.

I suggest “Chloe, I know our sister turns everyone on, but you’re the one I want” is about a guy playing on a girls insecurity.  He says she’s beautiful because he wants her.  If only you could see what I see in you.”   Why are these guys choosing women who are unaware of their power to be all that they can be, or their connection to their beauty?

Ne-Yo “Let Me Love You until you learn to love yourself” is celebrating the Victim part of her, enjoying his heroic nature.  I’m not saying it is bad but it is a message that being a Victim draws people towards you with undying love.  It should come with a warning label.  Sometimes these guys are quite disappointed if you get on your feet.

Don’t get me wrong, there is a place for heroically helping the Victim and the naive.  This is more of a call for songs that celebrate young women who are shining because they know who they are and they are bringing it to life.


September 21, 2013 at 5:44 pm Leave a comment

Where’s the guy?

I had the pleasure of teaching a workshop for the Romance Writers of Australia last month (such a wonderful experience) and at one point a participant asked “when does the guy come in?”  The more I thought about it, I realized, that is a really significant question.  The Virgin’s journey is about knowing yourself and being yourself.  That’s a lot of self.  There doesn’t actually have to be a man.  Gasp!  But it is the love based world and more often than not there is someone to inspire the Virgin or to see her true self and create space for her in the kingdom out of love.  The Hero plays a supporting role.  There is an idea to turn your world upside down.images-19

You could say that the Virgin plays the same role in the Hero story.  People have actually complained about this for decades.  The hero story, which dominates North American story telling, is all about the hero saving the day and the Virgin’s only role is to stand around being helpless.  Often we boost the female role in the hero story by developing her plight or making her a heroine.   Maybe the point is that a Hero story is about knowing you can push back fear and save the day, building your confidence as an individual in the world.  The VIrgin story is about looking inside yourself and awakening to your unique gift and bringing it to the world.  They are both individuating and are blessed with the support of their counterpart.

It is also possible to make the love interest a major driving force in the Virgin story.  Sometimes the male character is also on a Virgin’s journey, which can be an interesting way to incorporate a love interest.  Just having the guy in the story generates the world of love and makes it enjoyable.

Knowing yourself and brining your authentic self to life is a fundamental part of any relationship.  Not doing this actually creates a compelling obstacle to love.  A person has to have a connection to their authentic self before she can be recognized by her soulmate.  Often we are so busy pleasing others, or trying to be the perfect version of what is desirable that we are disconnected from our unique way of being in the world.  It makes it impossible to really connect with another person.

In other situations a person may have a connection to who they are but they don’t feel the boundary between themself and other people.  This leads them to isolate themsleves in order to preserve themselves.  Ironically when you own your boundaries you can afford to let people in more.  She must love herself before she can love another.

And finally the Virgin has to actually get out of the house and into life before she has any chance of meeting love.  Sometimes we are so disconnected from our intrinsic right to be happy and do things for ourself we spend all our energy in a supporting background role, servicing others.  5600872410_b7757cae53_m

So even though a VIrgin story is not about finding a life mate, it is about engaging in the love based world and taking up your power to be all that you can be.  This journey is often supported by the love of another.

September 18, 2013 at 8:22 am 6 comments

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The Virgin’s Promise

Writing Feminine Stories of Creative, spiritual and Sexual Awakening

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